Doggie Year to exorcise the Pig in me.
It has been more than a week since i got back. But last week has passed in a trail of blur.Of languid inactivity. Other than meeting with e* and Guoli and calling Nadya before she left for Belgium, I hadn't called a single soul. Due to my absent-minded Not Leeps nor Jacq, nor Edmee. It is as though I had purposely chosen to be in hiding, a transition time for me to 'recover' from the changing of state of mind and actual locality. Somehow at times i feel i need to muster alot enthusiasm in order to meet my old friends, and enthusiasm is somewhat elusive since i got back.
Guiltily i feel most at ease when i am at home alone, with my parents out working. I savour this time of alone-ness, just slumping on the couch reading or watching tv. Peaceful and quiet.Someone is bound to raise his/her voice when all of us are around. However prolonged period of being alone induces a sense of inadequacy and lethargy, my hair is messy and i am still in my night gown at 2 pm. I hate myself in that state, a state of aimless stupor and dragging feeling of lifelessness and unattractiveness. I wonder if Homer Simpson ever hated himself when he is fat and drunk all the time. And at that time my heart yearns achingly for someone's company, yet resistant to calling anyone.
And how I miss darlin. He is also in KL now yet he seems like thousand miles away. So accustomed am i to be able to see him whenever i want and being just the two of us and our friends but within this period his family ought to be his priority. I understand that, I was fortunate to have him for the rest of the year so it is only appropriate for him to spend more time with his mom and relatives now. Understanding is one thing yet getting through it is another; I could always gravitate towards him emotionally when we were in Melbourne , but right now i have lost this sense of gravity and spiralling away soullessly.
Then i realise i really need to gather myself, spank my own butt to startle myself into action and make full use of the time I am here. I have to call Leeps, Jacq and Edmee.I have to plan my trip down to S'pore and meet all the people: vivien, awoo, yoki , chu xian, ex-66 people, and my YEP teammates. Most importantly, I will have to call my aunties and uncles in Melaka and have a good time with them during CNY.
No more idling like a pig and wasting precious time. Dog Year is beckoning, we should behave like of those canines, always ready to spring into action. So here i goooo...Now u see me, now u don't. "Wooshhh~"