The ' Me' With That Fire In Her
The semester has come to an end, in two weeks' time i will be taking exams and after that , declaring the end of my first semester here in Melbourne.
So attuned am i into this new life of mine: in another country, with the boy i love, managing my school life and my new social life after that. Melbourne's pyschotic weather no longer manages to surprise me. I can now pull myself together and brave the sudden whip of wind calmly as drips of rain dot my jacket, with sunshine just before that. I no longer freak out when some guy wolf-whistles or tries to ask for my number when i am just walking on the street. i just said " No, thank you" with a smile and hasten my pace on.
So attuned am i into this new life of mine that i realise how much is left of the original me. Unlike last time i had full control of my own time,following a routine i drafted for myself. During that time i could hold my life in my palm as though it was an apple. Now, it is like a bunch of worms , squirming and trying to escape through the gaps between my fingers. Sharing your life with someone means that you have to draft him inside your life now, introducing more variance to it. Sometimes it is a trip to the suburb, to the beach or just a dinner with some friends. There's always something happening, now i am so occupied that the time i am left with myself is used up to catch up with work.
Brings me back to the point. How little it is i realise that is leftover from the original me. These days i no longer swim, do pottery or take pictures. Writing has become an intermittent exercise, it used to be a bliss , ideas just swarmed my brain that i had to keep my fingers up with them.
Somehow i miss the 'old' me . The 'me' who was at a time so 'me' . The 'me' who was stronger, more adept with her surroundings and unafraid to express what she thinks. The 'me' with that fire in her.
The fire has now been dampened by Melbourne rain. Again, i pull myself together and brave the sudden whip of wind calmly as drips of rain dot my jacket...