Leaving In Style
Today i finished my plate of char kway tiao for the first time since a long while. Almost wanted to lick the plate but stopped myself. Life is a bitch, as Nadya always puts it, and for my case, life is a bitch because all this while I have too much reservation for too many things. I could never eat a proper plate of char kway tiao with all its greasy and but yummy condiments without feeling guilty at the end of it. So I usually eat half of it and leave half plate there . And of course, half a glass of leftover sugar cane juice going with it.
But today i just wanted to feel what it is like to do something with "heart's content". Before I am to leave Singapore after 10 years. So i ordered a plate of char kway tiao with extra cockles and a glass of sugar cane juice. This time i indulged myself completely.
10 years of independent yet restrained life. These ten years I have more good times than bad, and met so many incredible people along the way, but I always feel like a hamster running on a wheel , things seem to be moving but in a wider sense they are static. Like those hamsters in the cage the guys (HL, YC, Stan, WH n Jingyi)and I saw the other day at Megamall. There was this hamster that kept running to and fro non-stopped, and we wondered if it is a forrest-gump hamster.
It is indeed a big problem of mine. To always hold back. Right now I just want to 'leave with heart's content' without thinking too much anymore about whom I haven't said goodbye to or what 'rituals' such as farewell dinners and meet-ups to get through with before i go. Because there are just too many people whom I want to bid farewell to properly until I feel flustered if i meet one and not the other. Especially if u r a close friend, then please stay away from me. I can't handle all those'I will miss u so much' kinda phrases, worse still, a hug. I will simply crumble into a teary mess and look horrible. Almost felt relieved that Leeps has gone to Paris but deep down, i felt that i really have to see her first before i go. So is Edmee. Didn't formally bid Miss Mok goodbye on MSN just now but maybe that is a better idea. Jon once again reminded me to bring the bible he gave me to Australia, i think i may just do that and start reading it in long cold winter nights in Melbourne to seek some comfort, heh. And the dinner with yoki, yulan, vivien , chuxian n fengyee around 3 weeks ago was actually a farewell dinner in disguise, in mexican style and with sinful desserts n juicy gossips to round it up.
Tonight is the last night in Singapore, at least for the next whole year to come. And tomorrow is my graduation ceremony, an incidental mark of finality of everything here. Good wise bad wise. Next on: Melbourne ,get ready, mama is coming!
* Hey u guys mentioned above, save all the mushy goodbyes yea...Will definitely think of u all in Melbourne, but I'LL B BACK! *grinz*