Runs in the family

I think it runs in the family, coursing through the blood of my grandfather, passing down to my dad, then to us. We simply like to yell at each other.

Almost since forever that a discussion within our household cannot progress without someone raising her / his voice first. And this initial spark will then catalyse the heating up of the argument , pressure starts to build, ugly words get thrown around and everyone gets choked up with vehemence and hurt feelings.

It is a satirical scene actually, when we quarrel. As for sure, quarrels arise simply because there are differences in opinions, yet when we start to yell each other with that same worked up expressions, hurling those stabbing remarks with the same intensity, we are so uncannily alike.

After being in singapore for a long time by myself, sometimes i thought i am actually incapable of being loud or verbally barbaric. I am so bad at quarrelling actually, before I can push my arguments forward most of the time my tears already choked up to the brim of my eyes, my throat tightens and no words could come out. When one word slips out , so does the first drop of tear. However when I am at home, there are circumstances whereby I just lost it, and before i can put on a rein on myself, emotions get worked up and i start to yell. After which I always feel really awful, at myself, and at how things turned out to be. And whenever a commotion happens at home, at that instance i always swear to myself that if i ever have a family in future, I will try my best to avoid such a scenario. A family quarrel has too much of emotional aftermath, which children and parents alike have to suffer.

I think I better take up yoga or meditation soon.