Sterilised Solitude

Today, I just wanted to hide myself in a suitcase and be zipped up in it.

Or slip into someone's arms and lay against the warm chest for a while in mutual silence.

Or tie a boulder on my foot so that I can go down with it into the deep deep sea. No sound, no light.

My body just feels as though it needs to retreat into an ever-deepening darkness and solitude. Ideally it should be the vacumn in the blackhole (don't give me logic such as I cannot survive in a blackhole without oxygen.) I needed a space of sterilised silence so badly.

These few days my brain feels as though it has been inhabited by a colony of restless ants which keep squirming within it and nibbling at every of my senses. I get so easily irked at everything, like a hyper-sensitive annemometer, to the extent that when a strand of my hair tickles my ear, I can feel there is a sudden tautness in my nerves.

Sign of stress u may say. Whatever it is, I had to hide away from it for a while. And so, I changed into my comfy pyjamas from my dress of which a strap kept threatening to fall off my shoulder irked me a great deal today, took out my lenses, and then I turned-off everything in the room: the light, the computer, my phone. All these technological devices sometimes induce extreme paranoic sensitivity in us, we are constantly checking our phones or computer in case people send messages when we are away, and the sudden ringing of the phone sometimes trigger a shock through my body. But today, I needed unperturbed solitude, and so they had to shut-down.

After all has been done, I slipped under my comforter, pulling it over my entire body including my head. Under it, i felt safe and peaceful, shrouded from any distress, and my body started to relax... I laid that way in bed for two hours, floating in and out of sleep...

It didn't matter that i couldn't sleep properly, for during that two hours, it felt as though I have left the world for backpacking in another dimension...